Monday, May 23, 2011
, 7:42 AM
Okay, I had been thinking.
I had been thinking what I've said these days, and what I've said last year. Last year, My stance is always from the top, looking downlwards. From the top, I want people to have faith in us. From the batch more junior than us, to our peers, to our seniors. I believe, it is difficult to place trust in people who are less experienced than you are. And even more difficult to follow the instructions from them. This is why we tried so hard, did so much, to prove to all of them.
This time round, I am back to where I used to be. After learning so much last year, I believe, my point of view changed a lot. All these while, I am thinking about how is the course timeline like, how is the application, how is the camp plan, how is logistics. It is only till two days before the briefing day which I finally thought that I should consider what I expect of my own trainees. I am being the person I despise. I stepped out of my boundary and poke my nose into else affairs. I am in wrong this time.
I remember scolding Gladys for influencing the instructors to go against the organizing committee. But today, I see myself doing that. I am such an idiot. Really asking for it. From the start, I am being very cynical at everything. Every single decision made by the chairman, everything that they want to implement this year. It is because I forgot to give the respect that is assumed from me. On top of that, I realize that I am trying to do the exact same thing, by influencing the trainers that way too. I am in the wrong.
I finally realize what is the problem. I continued to think of what is expected of a chair/ vice-chair. However, the fact that I overlooked was that I am no longer holding that appointment. I held the expectation, so what? That is the thing I cannot make a change about. Ironically, I forgot about the expectation a chair/ vice-chair have of the instructors. Which is something I can show a difference in. I can be a better trainer. And I know how. But it is a high time to do so now, Ros. Stop putting your expectation on other people. Put it on yourself instead. You will not be able to put blame on anyone this time.
Take responsibility of yourself.
My feelings for NCOC 2011.
I will be different by 29/05/11.
This is a promise.
